Tonight I am feeling very lonely and well just .... BLAH! I haven't blogged much lately, not much real insight into my life. Mostly just pictures. When I was younger I used to journal a TON but not so much anymore. I still find journaling very therapeutic though. So here I am, seeking therapy, without the slightest clue what to write about. Amie Tagged me and I should follow through but I don't have the drive right now (sorry Amie, thanks for thinking of me).
I guess I will share some irony with all of you.
Some of you know that my dad wasn't around for most of my life. He left the state when I was 6 and I didn't see him again until I was 28. We have been working the past 2 years to develop a relationship and I am grateful for that. We talk about once a month and although I was angry at him for a VERY long time, I am happy with what we have now. Anyhow. I was talking to him this last week and we were discussing Eric's new job and our move to Hawaii. He said to me that he was going to give me one piece of advice...that he never took the "dad" role of telling me what to do until now and I had better listen up. He told me to support my husband and move to wherever it was that he could provide for our family. He told me that Eric and I and the kids are the "family" that are most important now. Basically he told me to be loyal to Eric and in turn to my kids. Hmmm.... coming from someone who split on his "family" so long ago....
Ironic isn't it.
I am not excited to move back to Hawaii. Each day that passes makes me a tiny bit less enthusiastic. Nevertheless, we are moving to Hawaii. Eric and I can't do the APART thing very well. It scares me how easy it is to not have anyone to whom I am accountable. I do whatever I want and don't have to okay it by anyone. What I say goes. My kids have my way and my way only. I can eat all the chocolate ice cream and no one will know but me. Giving up this is going to be hard but OH SO WORTH IT TO HAVE ERIC AROUND.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
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6 comments:
hang in there. It will only be for a couple of years. Just think at how much it wil stregthen you and your family. You will only have echother to rely on. I know that since I have lived away from my family it has help Anthony and I to have a strong mairrage because we can't run to anyone else but eachother when we have an issue. I know that everything will be ok for you. You are a strong women. Think of it as an educational course for your kids. Love you!
Heath, you've always been so good at expressing your thoughts on paper (or computer). I remember you being so dedicated to writing in your journal. I have to give you credit that I have a journal at all from our younger years. You always inspired me. I'm sorry that you are struggling with the move. I can honestly say, I know how you feel, well sort of. I was so ready to come back to Utah after living in California for 3 years. I'm sure no matter where we end up, whether it's here or not, Utah will always be home to me. You and your mom have got to get this video phone I wrote about in an email. It is the coolest thing and ideal for being so far away. Good luck with everything.
No worries Heather! I hate to tag people cuz I don't want them to feel obligated.. But I do it cuz if they do then there you go! Anyways.. I so know how you feel!! I totally wish we were going back to Utah... I think it would be even harder thinking that you were back for good and then have to leave it again!! I don't know where we will be next year but if we can't be in Utah this is a pretty place to be.. And people want to come visit you since your in Hawaii and not in Moosepoop Nebraska or something like that...
Hey Heather- It does suck to be a single parent, doesn't it? Did we know this is what we were signing up for? J/K...We need to hang out soon. I will have Monday's and Friday's off starting next week, so we should definitely get together. Let me know what your schedule is like. Talk Soon!!
i love you heather....and i know how hard this has been on you. eric needs you and you need him and it will all be ok. you will be back here before you know it and hopefully never move again!!!
"Ironic", but nevertheless, good and true advice. I'm bummed, but one day we'll be close again.
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