Today has been one of the few days where I think to myself, "Can I honestly do this without Eric?!" I hate to post something like this because I don't want Eric to feel badly about him being gone but I just need an outlet. I am still supportive and so very proud of what my husband is doing for our country and us all.
I actually screamed at Finn today. Screamed. In retrospect, I know he doesn't understand why I am screaming. And then when I banished him to his room for quiet time so I could put Neelah to bed, he didn't understand that what he heard were sobs not laughter. He kept calling to me from the next room, "why are you laughing Mommy?" More sobs from me.
I don't know how I am going to do this with another child. Sometimes I feel like a prisoner as a mother. I hate to admit that but I can't deny it. I love the quote by President Gordon B Hinkley about how our children "are the jewels of our lives." I repeat this to myself on almost an hourly basis some days, some days just once or twice. I know this to be true. I know that I am blessed with these choice spirits but nevertheless, I can't help feeling like I am drowning. Don't get me wrong, today was just a REALLY BAD DAY. Most days are totally manageable. I just miss my best friend and companion, the one who really knows me and who I can count on to understand why I want to set my head on fire.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
today,
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5 comments:
If it makes you feel any better I had a breakdown a few weeks ago in the car and Jamie was not there. It angered Grace that I was crying. She kept saying,"Stop it mommy, you are not crying you are just pretending!" She didn't understand why I would be crying. Poor children trying to figure out adult emotions! We need to get together. I will plan it, I promise!
I can't even imagine how tough it might be to have your husband gone for that long. You are an incredible mom and I can appreciate your feelings. I only have one child and my husband is home, yet I still have major breakdowns. Hang in there, you rock!
Wow Heather, I admire you so much. I've always known that you are a strong person. I've always admired you strong wives that are so supportive of your husbands that are away. I don't think I could do it.
o i just had a major break down on wed...and i really dont know how you are doing it. you are amazing and a wonderful mommy to those little ones. we need to play now that the weather is sorta, (SNOW??) nice. i will talk to brittany and lets do it soon!!
Ahh babe, I'm so sorry! Yes, you are not alone in your feeling and yet you are more alone than most of us. You can do it though! YOu will be strengthened, the process isn't too fun, but it's happening. Just continue to throw yourself out there with your kids. Get yourself out and doing something fun. You need to call Emilie and Melissa and take the kids over and have a little picnic and some girl time. Don't forget to take girl nights out. Just forget about the schedules, and get out of your house and out with other people. I know it will help! I love you!!! I'm so proud of you! Hang in there!
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